You've spent thousands of dollars on business courses, hired coaches, downloaded templates, and learned every marketing strategy somebody on the internet swears you absolutely must be using. You know what you're supposed to do, but somehow, when it's time to actually do it, you find something else that needs your attention. Maybe your website could use another update, or perhaps you should take one more course before you start marketing.
And then you wonder why you don't have clients.
I can laugh about this because I spent five years doing pretty much the same thing. I was learning everything there was to know about building a business, except apparently the part where you actually build one.
In March 2025, I joined Melanie King on her podcast, Align & Elevate: Love Who U R, to talk about Brainspotting and what happens when people genuinely want something but keep getting in their own way. We talked about my experience, how I use Brainspotting with clients, and some of the incredible changes I've watched people make.
Brainspotting is one of my favorite tools because I've seen people make significant progress with issues they'd been struggling with for years, sometimes in a single session. And one of the best parts is that they don't always have to spend months figuring out why they're stuck before we can begin doing something about it.
Key Points
- Self-sabotage can look like procrastination, endless preparation, avoiding visibility, or repeatedly putting off something you genuinely want to accomplish.
- Brainspotting uses eye position and focused attention to work with the emotional and physical response connected to an issue.
- In my sessions, we start with a specific problem, find where you're experiencing it in your body, locate a relevant eye position, and let the processing happen.
- You don't have to remember what originally caused the response, and you don't have to spend the entire session talking.
- When an Underlying Block is interfering with your ability to take action, Brainspotting can be an incredibly powerful tool for changing what happens next.
Watch my conversation with Melanie King on Align & Elevate: Love Who U R. Published March 4, 2025. Running time: approximately 55 minutes.
Five Years of Business Education and $397 in Revenue
When I first started my entrepreneurial adventure, I was going to be an insulin resistance coach. I knew my subject, I loved helping people, and I was excited about building a business around something I cared about.
There was just one tiny problem. I didn't know how to run a business.
So I did what any reasonably intelligent person would do. I hired coaches, took classes, bought courses, and learned everything I could about running a successful business. I was working hard, too. Unfortunately, most of that work involved learning how to market rather than actually marketing. I hated social media, didn't want to build an email list, and had a pretty impressive collection of reasons why the things I was being told to do weren't getting done.
About three years into this, my husband informed me that I'd made $397. In three years. He suggested that I might need to get a J-O-B because he needed some help paying the bills.
Well, I cried, complained, kicked, screamed, and generally behaved like someone who didn't appreciate having reality pointed out quite so clearly. But he wasn't wrong, and eventually I started working with Zynnyme, a company that helps therapists build and grow private practices.
While I was there, I was introduced to Brainspotting. One of the coaches was trained in it, and the company was seeing something interesting. They had business owners who were smart, capable, and knew exactly what they needed to do. The strategies weren't necessarily the problem. These people were getting stuck when it came time to implement them.
And Brainspotting was helping them get moving, sometimes remarkably quickly.
I was fascinated, partly because I'd spent years dealing with my own version of the same problem. I wanted to build my business. I'd invested money, time, and plenty of effort into learning how. Yet I continued struggling with the actions that would actually make it successful.
Eventually, I had my own Brainspotting session. What came out of that session was the realization that I needed to build my business around who I actually was instead of trying to become the entrepreneur everybody else thought I should be.
Now here's the funny part. I already knew that! I'd been telling business owners to create businesses that worked with their strengths and personalities. I understood alignment perfectly well when I was explaining it to somebody else.
Apparently, understanding it and actually applying it to myself were two different things.
That session changed how I approached my business. I started looking at what worked for me instead of continually trying to force myself into somebody else's version of entrepreneurship.
It also helped me understand why Brainspotting could be so powerful. There are things we understand intellectually that don't necessarily change how we respond when we're actually in the situation. I've seen clients recognize something during a session that they'd already known for years, but suddenly it makes sense in a completely different way.
And that's when things can start changing.
What Brainspotting Actually Looks Like in One of My Sessions
Brainspotting was developed by psychologist David Grand in 2003. It's a method that uses eye position and focused attention to work with the emotional and physical experience associated with an issue.
That sounds rather technical, so let me explain how I actually use it.
Suppose you come to me and tell me you feel like a failure every time you think about your business. You've tried positive thinking, you've talked about it with your coach, and you can list all the reasons you're perfectly capable of succeeding. But every time something doesn't go according to plan, that same feeling comes right back.
We start with that feeling. I ask where you notice it in your body. Maybe your stomach tightens up, you feel pressure in your chest, or there's a lump in your throat. Everybody experiences things differently, so I'm interested in what happens for you.
Once we've identified that sensation, we look for an eye position that makes the feeling stronger or otherwise seems connected to it. We move through different positions until we find the one we want to work with, and then you keep your eyes in that area while we allow the processing to happen.
Here's the part that surprises people. You don't have to spend the whole session talking.
I've had clients who talk practically nonstop. Others tell me what they're noticing every once in a while, and some barely say anything. I'm there with them, providing support, checking in when needed, and helping them stay with the experience. I'm not trying to tell them what they're supposed to discover.
During the interview, Melanie and I talked about something called external regulation. I used the example of a toddler learning to walk. When the child falls down, what's one of the first things they do? They look around to see who's watching and how that person is reacting. If Mom is smiling and encouraging them, they may get up and try again. If somebody panics, there's a good chance the child will decide something terrible just happened.
Having another person present can make a difference when we're dealing with uncomfortable experiences. During Brainspotting, part of my job is to provide that supportive presence while the client processes what's happening.
Sometimes the client starts noticing memories, emotions, or connections they hadn't thought about in years. Other times, they notice a shift in a physical sensation or begin seeing the issue differently. I've had people realize things during a session that they could have told you intellectually before we started. The difference is how that realization lands for them.
And no, you don't have to figure out exactly where the problem started. We can work with the response you're experiencing now, even if you don't remember an event that might have contributed to it.
That makes Brainspotting particularly interesting to me. We can begin with something that's happening today instead of requiring you to explain your entire life story before we get started.
The Day My Dad Told Me He Didn't Need a Concert
During my conversation with Melanie, I shared something that happened when I was a kid.
I wanted to be a singer, and one day I was riding in the car with my dad, singing away, when he told me he didn't need a concert right then.
Now, for him, that probably meant he wanted a little peace and quiet. He had a kid singing in the car, and he was tired of listening. Fair enough.
But that wasn't how I heard it.
I was crushed. What I took from that moment was that I shouldn't sing in front of people. One comment that probably meant very little to him became something that affected how I felt about being heard and being seen.
That's what I find so interesting about the way people respond to experiences. Something doesn't have to look like a major event from the outside to have a lasting impact on the person experiencing it. Two people can go through something similar and walk away with completely different interpretations.
And years later, you may understand perfectly well that your interpretation wasn't what the other person intended. That doesn't necessarily mean the response changes just because you've figured it out.
Think about somebody who's uncomfortable putting themselves out there professionally. They may know their subject inside and out, but the moment they have to speak in front of people or share their work publicly, they freeze. They've probably been told a hundred times that they need to believe in themselves or stop worrying about what other people think.
That's lovely advice. I'm sure they'll get right on that.
But what happens when they already know all of those things and still have the same reaction? That's when I want to know what's actually going on rather than simply giving them another reason they shouldn't feel that way.
Brainspotting gives us a way to work with the experience itself.
She Was on Chapter Seven and Didn't Think Brainspotting Had Done Anything
One of my favorite examples from the interview involved a friend who was also a coach and was working on writing a book. She'd been struggling with how to market her business because there were so many different options, and she was having trouble figuring out what to focus on.
During our Brainspotting session, one of the things that came up was the realization that the answers she needed were already in her book.
We finished the session, and a couple of weeks later, we had a follow-up conversation. Before we got very far into talking about Brainspotting, she started telling me what she'd been doing.
She was on chapter seven of her book. She'd started doing things on Pinterest and LinkedIn, had marketing activities lined up, and was excited because everything was starting to make sense.
Then she told me she wasn't sure Brainspotting had done anything.
Wait a minute.
Here was someone who'd been overwhelmed and struggling to move forward, and now she was telling me about chapter seven of her book and all this marketing she'd been getting done. And she didn't think anything had changed?
That's one of the things I love about this work. People sometimes expect a huge revelation with trumpets playing and the heavens opening up. And yes, there are sessions where people experience a major realization. But sometimes the shift is quieter. They go back to their lives, start doing things differently, and don't immediately recognize how much has changed.
I want to know what happens when they get back into the situation that was causing them trouble. Are they doing the things they were previously avoiding? Are decisions easier? Is that familiar response still showing up with the same intensity?
In her case, we had something pretty substantial to talk about. She was writing the book and making progress on marketing. That was a big difference from where she'd been.
Sometimes the results speak for themselves, even when the person experiencing them hasn't quite caught up yet.
Why I Get So Excited About Brainspotting
When Melanie and I talked about the origins of Brainspotting, I shared the story of how David Grand discovered the technique while working with a figure skater who couldn't land a particular jump.
He'd been using EMDR with her and noticed something unusual happening when her eyes reached a particular position. Instead of continuing to move her eyes back and forth, he explored what happened when she stayed at that position. The experience led him to develop Brainspotting as a separate approach.
One of the things that makes Brainspotting so interesting is that we're paying attention to the connection between where a person looks and what they're experiencing. During sessions, I've watched people notice changes in emotional intensity, physical sensations, memories, and how they understand an issue.
There are theories about exactly why this happens, and the research is still developing. But I don't have to turn every session into a neuroscience lecture to explain why I'm excited about the work. I've spent years watching people who were stuck begin moving forward, including people who'd spent considerable time trying other approaches.
I've also experienced the difference personally. My own Brainspotting session helped me make a change I'd intellectually understood but hadn't managed to implement.
That's powerful.
Brainspotting and EMDR are related, but they're different approaches. EMDR uses a structured psychotherapy protocol that commonly involves guided eye movements or other bilateral stimulation. Brainspotting generally uses a sustained eye position while the person focuses on the experience they're working through.
I appreciate the flexibility of Brainspotting and the way it allows the client to process without having to explain every thought or feeling. I've seen some remarkable changes in single sessions, although the experience varies from person to person.
If you're interested in the differences, I've written more about EMDR vs. Brainspotting.
Before We Call It Self-Sabotage, Let's Make Sure the Strategy Isn't the Problem
There's one thing I do differently in my business today than I did when Melanie and I recorded this interview. I'm much more deliberate about figuring out exactly why someone isn't following through before deciding what kind of help they need.
Let's say you're avoiding networking. You've been told that you need to attend three networking events every week, introduce yourself to strangers, and follow up with everyone you meet. You hate large groups, most of the events are full of people who aren't remotely connected to your ideal clients, and the whole thing is eating up time you could be spending on more useful activities.
Do you really need Brainspotting to make yourself attend more of those events? Or do you need a networking strategy that makes sense for your business and fits the way you work?
Those are two very different problems.
Through my Aligned Execution Method, I use SCAN to look at the Strategy, the Clarity of the actual steps, and whether the approach is in Alignment with the person and business. Then comes Now What?, when we find out what actually happens as the person attempts the work.
Strategy
Is this the right strategy for the result you're trying to get?
Clarity
Are the steps, sequence, workflow, and definition of done clear?
Alignment
Does the approach fit the actual person, business, and circumstances?
Now What?
What actually happens when you try to do the work?
If the strategy doesn't make sense or the workflow is a mess, we fix that. I have no interest in helping somebody get better at forcing themselves through a business strategy that's wrong for them.
But suppose we've made those corrections. You know exactly whom you want to contact, you've chosen an approach that fits you, and the next step is perfectly clear. Yet every time you're about to send an invitation, you experience the same uncomfortable feeling and find a reason to put it off.
Now I'm interested.
That recurring interruption is what I call an Execution Block. An Underlying Block is one possible cause, and when that's what's happening, Brainspotting can be a very effective tool within Rapid Block Resolution.
I don't want to spend months adjusting a marketing strategy when the strategy isn't what's stopping someone. And I don't want to use Brainspotting to make somebody tolerate a strategy they shouldn't be using in the first place.
The whole point is to identify the actual problem and do something about it.
What Happens After a Brainspotting Session?
Some people notice a significant change while we're still working together. They may experience relief from a feeling that's been bothering them, make a connection they hadn't recognized before, or suddenly see an issue from an entirely different perspective.
Other people notice the difference when they go back to their regular lives. Something that used to feel overwhelming becomes easier to approach. They have a conversation they've been avoiding, make a decision without getting caught in the same cycle, or discover that a situation no longer produces the response they expected.
I've had people experience substantial changes during a single session, and I've worked with others who wanted to address several different issues over time. The important thing is paying attention to what changes and what, if anything, still needs work.
During my interview with Melanie, we also talked about whether Brainspotting could change someone's personality. She asked whether it could turn an introvert into an extrovert, which gave me a chance to explain something I think is important.
I don't want to turn you into somebody else.
If you're naturally quiet and prefer individual conversations, there's nothing wrong with that. You don't need to become the loudest person in the room to have a successful business. But if there's something you genuinely want to do and a recurring response keeps interfering, that's different.
Brainspotting can help us work with what's getting in the way of something you want. I'm not trying to make you fit somebody else's idea of who you should be.
When I conduct Brainspotting sessions, we work virtually. You'll need a quiet, private space, a comfortable place to sit, and a reliable internet connection. I also suggest having something to drink and tissues nearby. Some people cry during processing, and I'd much rather you have the tissues handy than need to go hunting for them.
Depending on what we're working on, we may also use bilateral sound, which alternates between the left and right ears. It's an option rather than something everyone has to use. We decide what fits the person and the session.
You can learn more about Brainspotting and how I work with clients. My business-focused services aren't psychotherapy, so if someone needs clinical mental-health treatment, that requires an appropriately licensed professional.
You Can Understand a Problem for Years and Still Be Stuck
One of the things I kept coming back to during my conversation with Melanie was how often people already understand what's happening. They've talked about their problems, analyzed their behavior, taken the courses, and collected enough advice to fill a bookshelf.
And then they get back into the same situation and do exactly what they've always done.
I know what that's like. I spent years learning how to run a business while avoiding the things that would actually build one. When I finally experienced Brainspotting myself, I realized I needed to stop trying to run somebody else's version of a successful business. That changed the way I approached my work.
Since then, I've watched clients make their own significant changes through Brainspotting. Some have had major realizations during their sessions, while others have gone back to ordinary life and started doing things that previously seemed impossible. Sometimes the change is obvious immediately. Other times, as with my friend writing her book, we have to look at what they've been doing to appreciate how much has shifted.
That's why I love this work. It gives me a way to help people address an experience that hasn't changed simply because they understand it.
Of course, I still want to make sure the strategy is right, the actions are clear, and the approach fits the person doing the work. Those things matter. But when the practical pieces are in place and someone is still repeatedly stopped by the same response, I want to address what's actually interfering.
Because if you've spent years trying to think your way out of the same problem, perhaps another explanation isn't what you need.
And Brainspotting may be exactly the tool that helps you finally do something different.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can Brainspotting help with self-sabotage?
Brainspotting can be useful when a persistent emotional or physical response is contributing to recurring behavior that interferes with something you genuinely want to accomplish. When the issue involves a business action, I first examine whether the strategy, clarity, or alignment needs to be addressed. If those pieces are workable and an Underlying Block remains, Brainspotting may be a good fit.
Do I need to remember what caused the problem?
No. We can begin with what you're experiencing right now. Memories or associations may come up during processing, but you don't need to remember a particular event or spend hours explaining your past before we can get started.
Do I have to talk throughout the session?
No. Some clients talk almost continuously, others give me updates every once in a while, and some barely talk at all. I stay with you, check in as needed, and support the process. There's no requirement to narrate everything you're experiencing.
Can Brainspotting work in one session?
I've seen significant changes happen during a single session, including with problems people have struggled with for years. Other people have several issues they want to work on or need additional sessions. We start with the issue you're bringing in and evaluate what changes.
Is Brainspotting the same as EMDR?
No. Brainspotting developed from observations made during EMDR work, but the methods differ. EMDR commonly uses guided eye movements within a structured psychotherapy protocol, while Brainspotting generally uses a sustained eye position and focused attention while processing unfolds.
Can Brainspotting make me a different kind of person?
That's not the goal. If you don't like large networking events, you don't necessarily need to become someone who does. But if there's something you genuinely want to do and a persistent response keeps interfering, Brainspotting may help us work with that response.
Suggested Reading
This article is based on my March 4, 2025 conversation with Melanie King on Align & Elevate: Love Who U R, “Brainspotting Explained: A Deep Dive with Jennie Hays.”
